Just Can't Wait!
by Myrtle the Tyrtle
Summary: A Lion KingBritish Monarchy crossover. Prince Charles is Simba and Tony Blair is Zazu. Fair deal of Blairbashing, among other things which won't fit in this summary! So click on the link to read more!
1. Chapter 1: Setting the Stage

**JUST CAN'T WAIT!**

**By MYRTLE THE TYRTLE**

**A/N: **This was originally written as a drama production, but was never performed :(. So now presenting, the first British Monarchy/Lion King crossover on Fan faction dot net: **JUST CAN'T WAIT! **(nothing of which belongs to me, with the exception of Mortimer, the Iraqis, the Hippies and Bruce McGill and most of the plot).

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**List of characters:**

**Prince** **Charles** – son of the queen, the hero of the story. Future king of Britain. (Based on Simba)

Uncle Mortimer – expelled from the family many years ago (that's why he's not in the historical records). Leader of Iraqi militant group the Al Hyenas. Full of anger because he is unloved by his family, vows to make them pay. Mwa ha ha ha ha! Often speaks in soliloquy, as do other villains from other films. Usually reveals evil plans during these speeches to the audience. (Scar) Queen Elizabeth II – mother of Charles, sister of Mortimer. Queen of the British Empire. (Mufasa) 

**Prime Minister Tony Blair** – governor of Britain and advisor to Charles. (Zazu)

**Camilla** – Charles' current girlfriend. Only companion, apart from Tony Blair. But 'politicians don't count'. (Nala)

**The Iraqi Militants (Al Hyena)** – Baz, Shaz and Ed. Baz and Shaz speak heavily accented English, while Ed just jabbers and giggles. Work for Uncle Mortimer. (Hyenas)

**The Hippies** – Timmy and Jumbo. Live in the forest and by the saying 'let's smoke marijuana'. The crazy stuff they do when they are under the influence of this (potentially) dangerous substance shows that DRUGS ARE BAD! Nonetheless, the duo are resourceful and helpful to those in need. (Timon and Pumbaa)

**Bruce McGill** – a mystical Australian immigrant whose goal in life is to provide an insightful glance at what could be… Possesses strange talent of always turning up at the right moment. Appears crazy, but has a signed certificate from a mental hospital to prove he is safe for society. (Rafiki)

**Citizens of the British Empire** – in the world of drama these 'citizens' are usually known as EXTRAS. They also play other varying roles, such as trees and Iraqis.

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**Scene One**

A small crowd of **Citizens (CBE)** are gathered around a small television set, the picture of which cannot be seen, but voices can be heard.

"In the circle… the circle of life…"

"And that was Joan Dawson singing the Circle of Life from the world famous movie and musical, the Lion King. Anyway, that's all for this week on Stars in their Eyes; we'll be back next week, same time, same place, same host: just different Joe Nobodies singing all the songs you know in an attempt to make it big in the music industry."

"Hey!" yells a voice from the crowd. It's got an Aussie accent, so it must be **Bruce McGill**. "I thought we were watching the presentation of the new Prince! Someone change the channel!"

The channel is changed.

"And what a shame we've run out of time," says a stuck-up Pommy voice. It's the Prime Minister, **Tony Blair**. "Otherwise, we could show you another three hours of pictures of our little cutey wootey princey wincey. Anyways, I am going to be with the little baby 24-7, in an attempt to befriend him. God knows I need friends. Even my political allies are against me these days… What do you mean, this camera's on. I know it's on! I'm trying to get some sympathy votes!"

The screen fizzled and faded out.

"Oh blast! We've missed it, and now the reception on the telly has gone. Darn. Oh well, anyone up for a game of rugger or a spot of tea?"

There were general shouts of enthusiasm, and the **Random CBE** who had just spoken led the crowd off stage. Bruce reluctantly followed, leaving the words of wisdom: "I predict great things for that baby."

"Of course you do. He's gonna be the king, innee? Come on Bruce, let's go look at your certificate." He was led of by a kind and caring woman with long blonde hair. That is technically irrelevant, as that was her only appearance in this story.

For theatre purposes, the stage was now empty. However, because this is a fanfic, we can have the setting changing at the drop of a hat or push of a spacebar.

Tony Blair walks on, carrying a baby doll.

"What a cute little baby! OK, so it's not the real thing, I know, but little Charlie is sleeping right now, and I don't want to wake him," he soliloquized.

He is interrupted by a loud scream.

"As I was saying: Charlie is sleeping now, and I don't want to wake him. Oh, that high-pitched scream: no that can't be my Charlie. He'd never scream. He's such a good…"

"Tony will you get that damned baby to shut up! I thought he was goint to be your friend! Useless politician! I oughta dissolve your parliament and…" the angry old woman (who was actually Charlie's mother) eventually faded out.

"Well, don't you go anywhere now," Tony said to the audience, the queen or the baby doll. It could be any of them, really. He left the stage, and our story continues some considerable years later…

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**A/N: sorry for the shortness, but I just wanted to know if you guys like it before I post the next few chapters, which I have already written.**

**If you don't like it, I'll put them up to spite you.**

**Ha.**

**P.S. Please review.**

**Myrtle **


	2. Chapter 2: Enter the Villain

**JUST CAN'T WAIT!**

**By MYRTLE THE TYRTLE**

**A/N: **This was originally written as a drama production, but was never performed :(. So now presenting, the first British Monarchy/Lion King crossover on Fan faction dot net: **JUST CAN'T WAIT! **(nothing of which belongs to me, with the exception of Mortimer, the Iraqis, the Hippies and Bruce McGill and most of the plot).

Also like to say big thanks to my reviewer so far, and please check out some of my other fics – they may be bizarre and incomplete parodies of Harry Potter, but they are really worth the read (or at least, that's what my reviewers say)

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**Scene Two: Some years later**

This scene opens with a wide angle shot of the big fancy castle that the Queen, Charles and Tony live in, slowly panning in on a room with a window. We can hear loud banging sounds, but what are they? Read on and we shall find out!

It's Prince Charles, of course, bashing Prime Minister and Chief Babysitter Tony Blair over the head with a giant inflatable toy. I guess I'm not the only one who likes to do a bit of Blair-bashing!

"And that's for making me eat that disgusting breakfast! And that's for showing me up in front of all my friends! And that's for telling the teacher I wasn't actually sick! And that's for waking me up when I was listening to that boring New Zealand politician talking last week! And that's for making fun of my pretty, normal sized ears!"

That was an example of irony, as we all know that Charles' ears are actually HORRIBLY OVERSIZED AND STICK OUT LIKE HANDLES.

"Are you quite through?" groaned Tony, who was lying in a foetal position on the floor.

"Yes, Mr Blair."

"Good, thank you. Now you run off and play!"

Charles skipped off merrily

"And don't forget your raincoat! And don't talk to strangers! And…"

"Don't make me get the inflatable hammer, Mr Blair!"

Tony sighed. It wasn't easy trying to govern a country and look after a bratty prince all day long. That was why he'd relinquished all his power to the queen. Makes life a lot easier, that.

When he was sure Prince Charles was out of earshot, Tony sighed. "Thank Churchill he's gone! But you can see we're great friends, right? That game with that giant inflatable hammer… wonderful! It is exhausting though… I really need a panadol… or maybe two… or something stronger…" he staggered out of the room.

The camera shot now moves to a dark alleyway for **Scene Three**. Charles is bouncing a ball against a wall and a man with a long, dark beard wearing one of those long brown flasher-jackets (you know what I mean) is leaning by a dumpster, smoking a cigarette. He crushes it under his foot (the cigarette, not the dumpster) and calls out to Charles.

"Hey, kid. Come over here for a second."

With no hesitation, Charles walks on over to the suspicious looking man.

"What do you want, man? Coz I've got balls to be bouncing see, so make it quick."

"Alright then. I'll cut to the chase. I was going to start by talking about the world famous movie and musical the Lion King, and ask your opinion of it, but I'll dive right in. Take a short cut. Bypass the long stuff. Fast-forward the boring bits."

"Well do it then, don't ramble on all day like an old man."

The man stopped and looked Prince Charles dead in the eye. He held the eye contact for one, two, three seconds and began to speak. He paused for that precise amount of time because his Year 11 English teacher had said that if you hold eye contact for three seconds, you'd pass your speech. It had worked then, and it will work now.

"You're Prince Charles, aren'tcha. The Queen's kid."

"Yeah, and you're an old man who lives in a dumpster. What's it to you?"

"Nothing, it's just… I bet you get to go everywhere, right. I mean, with your filthy traitor – I mean, mother – being the queen an' all."

"Yeah, I guess I do. You want a free trip somewhere? Coz I sure don't want you in my suitcase." Charles giggled. A joke!

"Nah. But I reckon there's a place you won't ever have dreamed about going to."

Charles looked at him incredulously. "I don't believe you."

"Come close up to me, and I will whisper it in your ear."

Charles obediently obeys the man, using his powers of great obedience. Why he doesn't use them on Tony Blair, I'll never know.

"WOW!" cried Charles. "The Iraqi Battle Zone!"

"Hush child!" hushed the old man. "Not so loud! There are spies everywhere!" he looked around in a paranoid manner. "Now, I must be going. I have a plane to catch – and don't you be going anywhere you shouldn't be! Your mummy and that daft politician friend wouldn't like it any more than anyone will ever like your ears!"

He exits, chuckling malevolently.

Charles shouts after him, "you shut up about my pretty, normal-sized ears." To the audience, he says, "Well, I've got to go! I'm going to an Iraqi Battle Zone!"

He runs out of the alleyway, and shortly afterwards the man walks back on, and reaches into the dumpster.

"Forgot my lunch," he grins, before his face turns into a menacing glare, for he is the menacing evil villain in this story! He soliloquizes: "But at last, the stage is set and my plan is soon to be put to work! The young prince and his dear mummy will both suffer an untimely death, leaving me, Uncle Mortimer, dear Lizzie's younger brother, the king of the entire British Empire! Mwah ha ha ha!" He pauses. "What do you mean, you don't know who I am? Oh, that's right, I was written out of all the history books when my parents learned of my allegiances with the Iraqi militant group Al Hyena: a move they would surely regret if they hadn't died all those years ago. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!" His cynical laughter is ended abruptly with a coughing fit. He exits with the line: "Be prepared!" and the stage(?) fades to blackout.

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**A/N:** once again, I apologize for the shortness. I can only make it up to you by promising that I will post the next chapter very soon. (So far I have written up to the Hakuna Matata song).

Please don't forget to R&R this story and my other HP fics. I really appreciate it.

**MYRTLE.**

**THE.**

**TYRTLE.**


	3. Chapter 3: Just Can't Wait

**JUST CAN'T WAIT!**

**By MYRTLE THE TYRTLE**

**A/N: **This was originally written as a drama production, but was never performed :(. So now presenting, the first British Monarchy/Lion King crossover on Fan faction dot net: **JUST CAN'T WAIT! **(nothing of which belongs to me, with the exception of Mortimer, the Iraqis, the Hippies and Bruce McGill and most of the plot).

Also like to say big thanks to my reviewer so far (he's done it twice, yay!), and please check out some of my other fics – they may be bizarre and incomplete parodies of Harry Potter, but they are really worth the read (or at least, that's what my reviewers say)

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**Scene Four**

This scene opens in your typical stereotype of a throne room. I have absolutely no idea what a real throne room looks like, so this one has a long red carpet over a stone floor, leading up to a big fancy chair. There happens to be a woman sitting in this chair. We met her before in Scene One, remember? No, not the kind blonde one, the angry mean one who yelled at Tony Blair. Apparently, her name is THE QUEEN.

Standing before her are her eldest and most important (well, that's actually a matter of opinion) son PRINCE CHARLES and his latest girlfriend CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES, soon to be CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES-WINDSOR, as she has her heart set on marrying into the Royal Family. I almost feel sorry for her… or maybe him?

"So you see, mummy, we just have to go!" addressed Charles of his mother.

"Go where, exactly?" asked the queen in a suspicious kind of tone.

Charles sighed. He knew he'd had to tell her sooner or later. _Let's go with _later_, shall we_, his brain told his mouth. "The Ir- um, I mean, watering hole."

"Watering hole?" screeched the queen in a nasal, yet posh, voice. "What do you want to go there for? We got plenty of that at our luxurious, lavishly furnished palaces."

"Er, you didn't let me finish, mummy," Charles said. "I meant to say, the watering hole, er, of, um, British society."

"British what now?"

"Society, mummy. You know, among the common folk at Heathrow airport. It'd do wonders for my self esteem – and the public opinion polls – if you'd let me go."

"Oh, all right," the queen gave way at the thought of raising her public opinion polls. "Just take Tony with you. He is your best friend, after all."

Evidently, Charles wasn't only person who's self esteem was getting done wonders for. Tony smiled, as he stood at his position at the door, guarding the queen and her son from terrors like Iraqis, mysterious brothers and the Tories. (A/N: Tories British opposition).

However, the dream was to be shattered.

"Ex-cus-e moi, Lizzie," said Camilla. "But as Charles' new regular girl friend, and am also now his new best friend." (Yes, she actually says it as its written, with a space between the "girl" and the "friend".)

"That's QUEEN Lizzie," to you," said QUEEN Lizzie, "you little tramp and/or slut and/or common person. But fine you can go. Tony!" she called out to the politician turned babysitter turned bodyguard. "Take these kiddies to the airport. And keep an eye on them, if it's the last thing you do."

"Yes, ma'am. As her highness requests." Tony bowed down low. "Come along children. The limousine is waiting."

The trio exited, and reappeared a moment later in **Scene Five**, as they stepped out of a long white limo at Heathrow airport.

"Right, Tonz dog, you can go now," said Charles, in an attempt to impress either his "new regular girl friend" or the hot blonde woman about ten paces away. "Don't want you cramping our style or anything, eh?"

"Cramping your…" Tony was lost for words. What a pity all politicians couldn't be like that. "But you can't tell me to leave. Only the head of British monarchy can do that."

"Well, he's gonna be someday, isn't he?" said Camilla.

"Yeah," agreed Charles. He poked Tony hard in the chest. "So you have to do what I say."

"Not yet I don't. And with an attitude like that, I'm afraid you're shaping up to be a pretty pathetic king indeed!"

"Hmph!" hmphed Charles (are they even words? They were in the original TLK script, so…) "Not the way I see it!"

**A/N:** If you have MYRTO 101 COMPUTER MUSIC SOFTWARE installed on your computer, you will now be hearing the music for the song Just Can't Wait to be King (arranged for Alto, Tenor and Baritone saxes, Trumpet and Trombone by Myrtle the Tyrtle). If not, you're gonna have to remember it. (All non dialogue stuff here will be in normal font, this is Charles, **Tony**, and _Camilla_. Similarly, a mixture of fonts will be a mixture of characters.)

Charles leads a complicated dance through a herd of British Citizens (or "society", as he put it earlier) closely followed by Camilla and Tony.

I'm gonna be a mighty King, so enemies beware!

**I've never seen a British King, with such enormous ears!**

I'm gonna be the main event, like no king was before.

I'm brushing up on looking down on the desperate and poor.

**Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing…….**

Oh, I just can't wait! To be King!

Music bit, with sax solo. Ba-dooba-dooba-dooba…

No one saying do this! (**When I said that, I-**)

_No one saying be there!_ (**What I meant was-**)

No one saying stop that! (**What you don't relalise-**)

_No one saying do this!_ (**NOW SEE HERE!**)

Free to run around all day! (**You get back here!** – Charles and Camilla have run away to the check-in desk)

Charles turns around to look Tony directly in the eye (he'd pass a speech, according to chaper two!) Free to do it all my way!

Another solo, either Trumpet or Sax.

Now Tony has caught up with Charles and Camilla

**I think it's time that you and I arranged a heart to heart** (he rests a hand on Charles's shoulder).

_Kings don't need advice from politicians for a start!_

**If this is where the monarchy is headed, count me out! Out of Britain, out of government, I wouldn't hand about!**

**This child clearly doesn't know a thing!**

Oh I just can't wait! To be King! Everybody look left!_ Everybody look right! _Everywhere you look I'm _standing in the spotlight!_

**Not. Yet.**

(To audience) **I'm always right about this kind of thing….**

(To audience) _Honestly, he's worse than Chandler Bing…_

(To audience) It's gonna be King Charles' finest fling!

Oh I just can't wait to be king!

_Oh he just can't wait to be king!_

Oh I just can't wait… _Just can't wait…_

_To be king!_

The song ends with Charles and Camilla running on to a British Airlines plane soon to depart for Iraq. Tony chases them, shouting things like "Get back here," "I'll tell your mother about this!" and "Join the choir, you huge-eared freak!"

However, they do not exit the aircraft until it lands… in **Scene Six**.

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**A/N:** unfortunately, do to my short attention span, an insatiable need to eat, and budget cuts, Scene Six won't be featured until next chapter.

However, while you wait, you can review this story and my other HP fics. My mother informs me they are great and you should review, and after all "mothers know everything!"

Don't make her mad; she might beat me.

**Myrtle.**

PS. Was the song format OK? If not, let me know an alternative before I post the next song (in approximately Chapter 5).


	4. Chapter 4: Arrival far from Paradise

**JUST CAN'T WAIT!**

**By MYRTLE THE TYRTLE**

**A/N: **This was originally written as a drama production, but was never performed :(. So now presenting, the first British Monarchy/Lion King crossover on Fan faction dot net: **JUST CAN'T WAIT! **(nothing of which belongs to me, with the exception of Mortimer, the Iraqis, the Hippies and Bruce McGill and most of the plot).

Also like to say big thanks to my reviewers so far (I now have more that one, yay!), and please check out some of my other fics – they may be bizarre and incomplete parodies of Harry Potter, but they are really worth the read (or at least, that's what my reviewers say)

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**Scene Six**

The aircraft our hero, PRINCE CHARLES, his girl friend CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES and that politician who follows them everywhere like a bloody stalker were travelling in has now landed on a remote airstrip surrounded by sand. There is a road sign nearby. It bears the markings of a middle-eastern script. Alas, I cannot read any form of middle-eastern scripts, so you'll just have to assume it says something like "EAT AT DOMINOES!". Standing around the sign, looking busy, yet aimless, are a group of Citizens of the British Empire (dressed in full Iraqi garb), the old man from the alleyway (Uncle Mortimer) and his cronies, the Iraqi Militants.

Anyway, Charles, Camilla and Tony get out of the plane and step down onto the tarmac. The former two stare around with wonder, the latter stares with shock.

"Where are we, Charles?" says Camilla, voicing the question that everybody else has already guessed the answer to. However, she did not read scene two, so you guys have an advantage.

"I'll tell you where we are!" yells Tony, angrily. "We're in his voice drops to a whisper Iraq!"

"Oh, it doesn't look that bad, Tony. Lighten up!" said Charles.

"Lighten up? Right, that's it: I'm calling your mother!"

Charles looks shocked, and Tony looks smug. He played the trump, and soon he'll get the jackpot for alerting the world to Charles' runaway antics. _I hope the Queen doesn't think I'm bluffing_, he thinks as he dials the number, _otherwise she mightn't place a bet!_

A short dialogue ensues with Tony Blair and – presumably – the Queen. However, because we can only hear Tony's half of the conversation, would it be a monologue? The complexities of this highly philosophical question have bamboozled my brain, and I unfortunately didn't catch a word Tony said.

However, as author, I can make it up.

"_Grrr, your son's taken me to Iraq. What? You give me permission to spank his little hiney? Well, certainly madam, but don't you think that an arm-bone from a dead person would be more effective? Oh, it will be no trouble at all. Yes, have a nice day."_

But here comes Tony now, to give his teenage charges the rundown of the conversation.

"I have spoken to your mother, young master Charles," he said in a particularly forceful manner, "and she will be coming over personally to take you home. She will be here shortly, and I will be taking a quick nap on this handily placed bench here to remove all traces of jetlag while we wait. Don't (yawn) go wandering (yawn) off…"

OK, so I was a bit out. Charles appears to have been out while Tony was lecturing him, as he now wanders off.

"Charles!" cried Camilla, "where are you going? Tony Blair said not to go wandering off!"

"Yeah, who said I had to listen to him? I'm a big boy, Camilla – didn't you notice? – and I can look after myself in the Iraqi Battle Zone." Charles storms off.

"Iraqi Battle Zone? Now this I gotta see!" she hurries after him.

At this point, the observant viewer will notice a mumbled conversation between Uncle Mortimer and the Iraqi Militants. The Militants now run off after Charles and Camilla. However, if you are not observant, you will now forget the last paragraph you read.

ZAP!

Uncle Mortimer moves to centre stage / camera zoom in.

"So, the little brat has come to Iraq! Perfect. And my three best militants from Al Hyena are following him! More perfect! And soon, they will kill him! Absolutely wonderfully bestfully perfect! But as for his mother… my sister… she's coming here now, by her private jet. Should be easy to dispose of her as well now… Mwa ha ha ha ha!"

He walks away, making a call on his cell phone as he does so.

-

_Aha, you see, the plot grows thicker _

_And Charles' luck starts looking sicker_

_-- adapted from Cinderella, by Roald Dahl --_

-

We now find ourselves in **Scene Seven**, where Charles and Camilla are standing, gaping at a large skull.

"This is really something, isn't it," said Charles romantically, while holding tight to Camilla in a way that _he_ obviously thought was seductive.

"This is all we came for?" Camilla broke away from him and looked him in the eye. "Piles of sand and a great big skull? There aren't even any dead bodies anywhere?"

"Well, no of course there isn't. The main battle zone is closed on weekends, and President Bush has got him men cleaning up after themselves now, especially after what happened with the mid-term elections."

"Well it's not fair. I'm going back."

"Wait, no, there's much more to see!"

"Like?"

"Um… there's the… ah… things… with the… ah… stuff… and the…"

Camilla is not impressed. She turns and starts to walk away.

"Natives! There are the natives!"

She looks around. "I can't see them."

"Well, duh, they'll be hiding, won't they? C'mon let's look in the skull. Maybe they're hiding in there…"

At this point, Tony makes a dramatic entrance.

"Stop right there, bucko. Do not take another step towards that skull."

"Oh, c'mon, Tonz, I just want to check it out!"

"The only checking out you're going to be doing is checking out of here," Tony chuckled at his pathetic joke. "This place is very dangerous. It has an especially bad reputation for being the home to a group of Iraqi Militants known only as Al Hyena!"

There is a small silence. "Don't you mean Al _Qaeda_?" asks Charles.

"No, Al Qaeda is nothing compared to these ruthless barbarians!"

Suddenly a voice comes from inside the skull. "Look, it's not our fault that we're ruthless. She's on vacation. Doing the touristy places. You know, America, the Afterlife…"

This comment is followed by the nervous high-pitched giggling of the one that is named in the Character bios before Scene One as Ed.

"Who are you fiends?" cries Charles.

Tony smacks him on the head. "I just told you, you daft twit! They're…"

"Al Hyena," says a second voice, and three Iraqis begin to make their way down out of the skull. "I'm Baz."

"I'm Shez."

"Hehehehehehehe!"

The two of them said it together. "That's Ed."

"Yeah?" says Charles defiantly. "Well I'm Prince Charles, and I demand you leave us alone. I'm warning you, I've got a politician!"

The Iraqis laugh vigorously. "We know who you are," said Baz, "and we know that that insignificant life form beside you…"

"Hey!" cries Camilla, but nobody listens.

"… is Tony Blair. However… you there, girl. We don't know you."

Camilla pouts. "My name is Camilla Parker-Bowles, and I am Charles' new regular girl friend." Yes, it is two words. "I can't possibly understand why you don't know me, because the British tabloids are absolutely full of hot, juicy gossip about our current relationship."

"Yeah, sorry," says Shez, "but we don't get the Woman's Weekly out here. But that doesn't matter because now we are going to kill you."

"Look," reasoned Tony. "I don't quite see how killing people is connected to a popular woman's magazine, but… wait, did you say KILL US?

The Iraqis have a quick consultation with each other. "Ah, yep, we did," says Baz.

"Right, says Tony. "Well, Charles, as your political advisor, I advise you to TURN AROUND AND RUN AWAY LIKE THE COWARD WE KNOW YOU ARE!"

Charles, Camilla and Tony are about to run away like cowards when a low-flying aircraft scares the Iraqis away. As they run like the cowards they have just been portrayed as, they shout things like "Help, a low-flying aircraft!", "Let's get out of here!" and "Hehehehehehe!"

"It's mummy!" exclaims Charles. "We're saved!"

The plane presently explodes. The trio screams and ducks for cover as debris falls everywhere.

Uncle Mortimer coolly walks onto the stage. Not that it has to be a stage.

"Oh dear," he says, "it looks like your poor mummy is dead!"

"Hey!" says Charles. "You're that man from the alleyway who told me not to come here…" he fades out.

"I think you'll find that I'm more than just a man," explains Mortimer. "I'm really your uncle, young Charles. Yes, that's right, I am the queen's brother – and now that she has died, I will be crowned the king."

"How come if you're the queen's brother, we haven't heard of you?" asks Camilla. "I did a bachelor of History focussing on the Royal family and I didn't see your name come up once!"

"You won't have heard of me because I am too good for the royal family," replies Uncle Mortimer. "Yes, that's right. I was cast out from your family of sinners long ago, because I chose to work for the greater good! Instead of being the queen's brother, I am working at a task that requires real intellect and ingenuity!"

They all look puzzled.

Uncle M sighs. "I'm killing Americans with my Al Hyenas and I LOVE IT!" He then looks around nervously. "Shh, they're listening always!"

"Hang on a minute!" exclaims Camilla. "Isn't it true that in British monarchy, even if the son is younger than the daughter, he becomes the king first?"

There is a stunned silence.

Uncle M recovers quickly. "Well, I'm the king now, so there!"

Tony contradicts him. "Technically, Charles is the king, as you left the family."

Uncle M scowls. "Race you back then! First one home to Britain wins!" He runs off really fast-like, followed by everyone else, thus ending **Scene Seven**.

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**A/N:** So? Who will win? The answers will be revealed in the next chapter.

However, while you wait, you can review this story and my other HP fics. Currently, they hold the combined total of 24 reviews, which is almost five times more than this one currently has.

Shall we change that? The powers rest in your hands…

**Myrtle.**


	5. Chapter 5: The King is Crowned

**JUST CAN'T WAIT!**

**By MYRTLE THE TYRTLE**

**A/N: **This was originally written as a drama production, but was never performed :(. So now presenting, the first British Monarchy/Lion King crossover on Fan faction dot net: **JUST CAN'T WAIT! **(nothing of which belongs to me, with the exception of Mortimer, the Iraqis, the Hippies and Bruce McGill and most of the plot).

Also like to say big thanks to my reviewers so far (I now have more that one, yay!), and please check out some of my other fics – they may be bizarre and incomplete parodies of Harry Potter, but they are really worth the read (or at least, that's what my reviewers say)

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**Scene Eight**

It is a quiet, sombre morning, and all the Citizens are gathered at a funeral. It is the funeral of the Queen, for, alas, she is now dead. Of course, all of you that have read chapter four would know that by now.

You would also know that the first person to get back to the British Isles would become the new King.

And if you have read chapter five, you will know who won.

However, because this chapter is the one referred to as Chapter 5, nobody (unless you've already read the chapter before) will know who has been crowned the king.

So, being the nice tyrtle I am, I will put you out of your misery.

But not just yet.

Anyway, the wicked Uncle Mortimer was standing at a podium wearing a black suit.

He speaks. "We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of an old friend. She was the leader of our country, the only one who has got us through troubles like the wonderfully horrible suicide bombings in Iraq etc." ­- Tony Blair looks upset – "She was our queen, but she was also my sister. My people, I am your new King, Mortimer the First!"

The crowd cheered. Well, most of the crowd. As you can probably imagine, Charles was more than a little bit upset that he wasn't going to be the king.

He marches up to the podium. "You're not the king!" he shouted. "I'm the king! I'm King Charles the Third! And I just can't wait…." He tried to sing. But Mortimer wasn't listening.

"Enough!" he cried. "As my first act of kinglyness, I shall make sure the person responsible for making my sister go to Iraq, and consequently die, be killed for their traitorous acts of unjust antiroyalism. And," he continued, "if I were them I'd run away now and never… ever… come back!" he ended this suggestion staring directly into Charles's face.

Charles stared back defiantly, before turning around and running away really, really fast.

But does he come back? That is a question worth asking.

However, before we find the answer to that question, we have to view, read or listen to **Scene Nine**. The funeral has now dispersed, and King Mortimer the First is standing alone by himself. He is also talking to himself. In some cultures this is regarded as a sign of madness (and I know a lot about madness!), but in the Inner Circle of the Distinguished Cult of Evil Villains, talking to yourself means that you are the crème de la crème, the top of the line, the bee's knees, or (in layman's terms) a twisted evil psychopath about to reveal his evil plans to the audience.

"Finally," he says, "my time has come! But with the new king comes a new rule! And we shall be having nothing to do with silly, pathetic, insignificant British politics! Their day is over, and ours is just beginning!"

His phone promptly starts to ring.

"Hello? Oh, hey guys… yeah, I'm in, you can come over now… there's just something I need you to sort first… yeah… perfect…" He hangs up.

"OK, so I'm wrong. There will be one small issue of British politics before my reign truly commences… the slight accidental completely on purpose murder of my young nephew!" He concludes this soliloquy with a maniacal laugh, before breaking into song.

_I never thought Iraqis essential_

_They're crude and unspeakably plain_

_But, maybe, there's a glimmer of potential_

_If allied to my vision and brain!_

_I know that your powers of retention_

_Are as low as a politician's IQ_

_But as thick as you are, pay attention!_

_These words could do wonders for you…_

(The Iraqis Shaz, Baz and Ed slink on stage)

_It's clear from your vacant expressions_

_The lights are not all on upstairs_

_But we're talking kings and successions_

_Even you can't be caught unawares_

_So prepare for the chance of lifetime_

_Be prepared for sensational news_

_A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer_

_And may just be featuring yous!_

_Your mission, should you choose to accept it_

_Is to track down that prince and dispose_

_Of that pesky young prince and deny it_

_Was me who initiated the cause……_

_Of the Queen's death!_

(Iraqis: Death, death, death, death… fade out)

_Well, what are you waiting for?_

_Go and kill Charles!_

The Iraqis scamper off as the scene fades into blackout.

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**A/N:** It looks like Charles' days are numbered.

Read and Review and I should hopefully update soon!

**Myrtle.**


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